It Takes A Village: Single Mother Struggles & Mom Shaming

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Becoming a parent is a journey with many twist and turns. Everyone will tell you how expensive kids are, but no one tells you about the mental strength you’ll have to gain. There are many things in life that can’t be taught, parenting is one of those things. We are all LITERALLY flying by the seat of our pants.  At the end of the day we just hope that these little beings who drive us completely insane while looking up to us, simply grow up to be amazing adults.

No one could have prepared me for the meaning of ” It takes a village”. Such a short statement that speaks volumes, has meant the world to me for some time now. The transition from a two parent household to a one parent household takes a huge toll emotionally and physically. When dad chooses to not only leave mom, but the kids behind too…… that’s a whole other ball park. This is where I discovered the true meaning of a village.

Single mother shaming is a huge thing I’m seeing right now and it eats me alive. The judgement from married mothers, childless adults and random strangers that know nothing of your situation or family dynamic other than the fact that you are a “Single Mom”.

“You should’ve chose a better man”

“You shouldn’t have kids you cant afford”

“Why didn’t you wait until you were married before you had kids”

“All she wants is a hand out, she had kids just to live off of our tax dollars”

 

None of these statements shame dad for leaving. All of these statements are assumptions. We are living in a world where people would rather judge than help. Helping is not a hand out, it is a hand up.  A village is your community sticking together and showing up when others have failed you.

All the things I never knew I’d have to worry about

What happens when kid #1 gets sick on Monday and kid #2 gets sick on Wednesday? That’s two days of work missed because they have to visit the doctor and can’t go to school or day care sick. What happens when you lose your job simply for handling your duties as a parent?

What happens when the babysitter cancels and you can’t find another one short notice?

What happens when the kids ask about dad?

How will my kids feel about me when I spend more time at work than I do with them?

All this time people spend judging a single mother on her physical situation simply adds more to the mental situation that none of you see. Who cares why she is a single mom, let’s applaud her for getting the job done and fill in the gaps when needed.

At the end of the day being a mother is ROUGH, no matter what type of household you come from. Maybe you’re in a two parent household, maybe you’re in a single parent household. No matter what, it gets easier when you have a village to lift you up.

 

XoXo-Sam

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